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03: [#MuslimFreeStyle] Let’s Talk About Social Taboos

03: [#MuslimFreeStyle] Let’s Talk About Social Taboos

Let’s talk about social taboos.

You know what? Sex is one of such taboos – a top one.

Ssssshhhh, don’t say I said so.

But, should it be so?

”Certainly will the believers have succeeded: They who are during their prayer humbly submissive, And they who turn away from ill speech, And they who are observant of zakah, And they who guard their private parts, Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed – But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors…” (Al-Mu’minun 23: 1-7)

#MuslimFreeStyle poster on Let's talk about social taboos

Imagine the following scenarios!

  • A 7 year old who thinks sex is a bad word when she hears classmates in her Islamic school taking about it. She returns home to tell her mother ‘somewhat’ shy. But what happens? Mum listens to her, wondering what to say and how to say it. And then case is closed.  No further discussions follow at home regarding this topic.

*****

  • What of a tween who sends ‘selfies’ in different poses to female school mates via his mobile and calls them by sweet pet names? His parents are scandalised at discovering such messages on his phone – they think he’s too young to get into such a habit. Yet, no plans are put into place to discuss the S – word with him just yet.

*****

  • Lastly, is the case of a teen who is found with pornographic material on his device. He claims ignorance – saying someone (a senior) from his school WhatsApp group sent it to the group randomly. He is excused and life goes on.

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Do you think its just about time or wayyyy past the time to talk to these young people about sex? Or better to leave things as they are – because it is a social taboo – never to be discussed openly.

Let’s Reflect

Muslim youth should have easy access and enough confidence to approach adults in their lives to talk about sex.

They should be able to discuss any fears and concerns about sex and related matters. And get the right education and orientation early in life. Because such things pop up on the media and in many social circles these days.

They should also be taught early enough about modesty, need to lower the gaze and fight their nafs. And of course the great reward for guarding the private parts.

”Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.” (An-Nur 24:30)

If parents, mentors and educators do not talk about sex in the light of Islam to the youth – then surely they will learn from their mates, social groups and popular culture.

They may even think of it as something BAD, weird, abnormal etc

 FreeStyle It

  • Is it OK to talk about s.e.x as Muslims or is it a B.I.G no-no?
  • When should sex be first discussed with young ones?
  • Where – home, school, madrassa?
  • What should be discussed?

Its time to FreeStyle it. Lets talk. Share your views in the comments section below.

Comments

  1. Interesting topic, it’s important for the correct beliefs to come from the home, it is the parent’s job to teach these beliefs to their children. And then will the foundation of trust build in both the child and parent. In this day and age that we live in, children will learn about sex whether the parents knows it or not. So it is important that the parent teaches the child our Islamic understanding of sex.

    • Amina Edota says:

      I agree with you – whether parents like it or not, their young ones will learn about sex. So better to feed them with the right information and build a great foundation for the future.

  2. Parents should discuss all the matters with their teenagers to give them right education rather than they learn the things from schoolmates..

  3. It is absolutely okay, if not necessary, to talk about sex as Muslims. I think young Muslims should be aware of their bodies as early as puberty and once a parent is satisfied with their maturity level, they can broach the subject with them. The conversation absolutely needs to begin at home with emphasis on sex, the requirements, the abstaining thereof, from a spiritual perspective. The educational perspective can be covered by school but it is crucial that the parent be aware of what exactly is being covered at school and/ or madrasah to ensure they can either correct or affirm the information provided. Conflicting messages will only serve to further confuse a child.

    • Amina Edota says:

      This is a well balanced view – that the best foundation should be laid right from home yet parents MUST know fully well what the school/ madrasah is offering. Since children develop differently, you are also right, it should be based on maturity level. Parents should not take their role in this lightly.

  4. Yes we should teach our kids as per sunnah…

  5. Thanks for sharing..this is definitely a topic we should be discussing to our children, especially growing up through puberty. We could explain that sex or sexual feelings are not wrong or bad but it’s forbidden to us before marriage and help them understand and manage them in an Islamic way. The more open we are inshallah the less likely our children are to hide things, which links into the topic of teaching children to protect themselves against abuse. Sad but a fact of the world. The nspcc do a good programme called the ‘pants’ rules. Very good resource 🙂

    • Amina Edota says:

      I love that insight – ‘explaining that sex or sexual feelings are not wrong/ bad’ but have limits outside of marriage. That’s absolutely needed in our homes and communities – being open about the topic in an Islamic way. I need to check that out… ‘pants’ rules. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Loved reading this and reading all the comments from the sisters very insightful indeed, thank you sister for sharing!

  7. Thanks for sharing this is very insightful. I think it should be talked about more but most people don’t talk about it which is a shame because the children learn from their parents.

  8. This is a big social taboo. My parents never talk about marriage of my siblings let alone sex or affair or whatever. But I try to bring that subject into limelight in my family because I want my younger brothers and sisters to be able to talk about it when an issue comes in their life atleast to me. I never had that option. If I wanted to talk about boys or anything related to men or marriage I wasn’t allowed to. Luckily now my btothers and sisters tell me everything. They know that I will be there as a guardian to protect them no matter what the subject is and I am so emotionally proud to have achieved that.

    • Amina Edota says:

      That is SO remarkable of you. They are blessed to have you in their lives – someone to open up to without fear and worry. And you have great support skills going on there – Allahu yubaarik.

      I love the mindset of trying to be ‘someone’ to others (bringing benefit to their lives), when such a system was missing for your own life. It is fulfilling trying to be the ‘change’ rather than blame and carry on with life holding on to baggage after baggage.

  9. I’m very open with my kids when it comes to sex. I’d rather they knew the truth then heard a pack of lies and tensioned ignorant.

    • Amina Edota says:

      Masha Allah, that’s the way forward for our Ummah. The truth is always better coming from those they love and trust, rather than trying to erase those ‘pack of lies’ they’ve been stuffed with. May Allah keep us and our young ones on the right path always.

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